Updated on October 12, 2020
My name: Feras, 29 years old man from Syria.
(Due to privacy and safety reasons, I can't share my real last name, so I will use -Diab- as a last name, sorry).Situation: illegal resident.
My story:
I am an atheist and a liberal who have born and lived in a country where both things can get me hurt or even killed. In Syria, there aren't any rights for atheists or liberal persons at all. Syrian mainly doesn't acknowledge the Freedom of thought, or the Freedom of religion.
So, because of the absence of Human Rights in Syria, the regime considers me forcibly a Muslim, only because my father is a Muslim.
I was forcibly compelled to fight alongside the army of the regime against the opposite armed militias on 1-Feb-2018. Therefore, I was at risk of losing my life because of this forcibly participation in this conflict. Sure, I don't want to lose my life, and I also never want to be a part in taking the life of any human being.
So I ran away from Syria before that date.
The largest majority of Middle Eastern society is closed-minded. It's unreceptive to the idea of atheism or liberalism at all, and unreceptive to the existence of atheist or liberal individuals in the society at all.
Based on this, I was forced to hide my thoughts from everyone, fearing of persecution, racism, insulting, and even physical harm that I would be subjected to if someone found out my personal thoughts.
I was also forced to hide my thoughts from everyone, fearing of arrest by the tyrannical dictatorial regime.
I was in a love relationship with a girl, her name is Sandra. She is also an atheist and a liberal, but the regime considers her forcibly a Christian, only because her father is a Christian.
We were secretly committed to each other since 14-july-2016. We've wanted to get married to each other with all our hearts and minds, and we've dreamed to live the rest of our life together.
But how this could be possible in a Middle Eastern country? where there is no civil marrige, and where society fights the marriage between two individuals who are considered being from two different religions.
When we've begun to fall in love with each other, and some of our friends and relatives noticed this, they've started to warn us that we have to break up with each other, and that we have to keep away from each other, because they consider that our relationship is against the (principles of the society).
Based on this, we've been forced to keep our love and our relationship hidden, so we've pretended that we've kept away from each other.
Leaving home:
Obviously, I had to leave Syria definitely, and more specifically: leave the whole Middle East.
The only initial solution was moving to Lebanon.
In the middle of November-2017, I contacted a Lebanese man to get a sponsorship to be able to enter Lebanon. He told me that the process of getting a visa takes about 30-40 days, so it's supposed to me to get a visa, and to be able to enter Lebanon in the early of January-2018.
The late of January has came, and there were only a few days remaining before I would be a (wanted) by the regime to serve in its army, while I hasn't got the visa yet, because of the racist procedures of restriction, which is made by the Lebanese authorities against Syrians.
So, on 28-January-2018, I left Syria and entered Lebanon using fake papers, which says that I have an interview in the German Embassy in Beirut, and I've been given an entry card to Lebanon for 48 hours only.
Two days has passed, and I've became an illegal resident.
A new and a big problem has came with this situation: how to find a job for living while I am an illegal resident?
After about 4 months of difficulties and trying, I've found a job in a small company by -unfortunately- lying to its owner and telling him that I am a legal resident.
Now, if the company somehow find out that I am an illegal resident, I will immediately be fired, and lose my job then.
More difficulties has came:
I have applied for a humanitarian asylum to move to Australia twice, but my request has been rejected.
Few months later, Sandra broke up with me, because it sounds like we will never be able to get married and be together under this circumstances.
I've contacted a lot of Canadian people to find sponsors so I can apply for a humanitarian asylum to move to Canada, but all my attempts has failed. No one give me a hand of help.
As of 2020, Lebanon is going through a huge economic crisis, and it's getting worse and worse overtime. My salary is 750,000 Lebanese Lira. This was equaling 500$ before the crisis happened, but after the crisis, it equals about 100$, which is enough only for 10 living days, then, I start spending money from a small amount I've saved before the crisis happened, or I borrow some money from some friends.
I've applied for a fully funded scholarship to complete my university study in Hungary, but my request also has been denied, as I have not been nominated by my country.
I've tried to register with UNHCR, but it turns out that as of 5 May 2015, registration for Syrians has been temporarily suspended until further notice. This follows instructions UNHCR has received from the Government of Lebanon.
...................
I really don't know what to say about my life.
It bleeds my heart that I want nothing but to live my life in peace, freedom, and dignity.
I can't get back to Syria at all, and I never can continue my life in Lebanon.
I have only one dream: to get out of the Middle East as soon as possible, and start a new life.
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